


Horsing Around

by dodecahedrons, domanc



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Crack, Haiku, M/M, Rainbows, Spandex, dicks as weapons, i had posted it here prior but deleted it in a moment of cowardice, this shit is from when me and my friend were like 15 or 16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 09:32:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18870490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodecahedrons/pseuds/dodecahedrons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/domanc/pseuds/domanc
Summary: Eren and Jean have a spat in the middle of town. This, of course, leads to boners and intense sex later on.





	Horsing Around

**one day urn was walkin down hte stret and he saw jeen kersteen.**

 

**jean was walkin his swag walk like B)) and  he made finger guns at everyone except ern..**

 

**urn was like “what the Actual Fuck why didnt u finger gun @ me u gotta fuckin @ me next time you Swagless Swiffer Duster”**

 

**jeann was  like “fight me you  soggy nugget “**

 

**eren just stared @ jean for a solid three minutes (why did jean stay that long who fuckign knows he coulda just walked away but noo o o o  he had to make a Goddamn Point) before ripping off his clothes to reveal a spandex morphsuit (minus the head part which he had not so carefully cut off) underneath in glittery rainbow gradients. “COME AT ME  S KRUBLORD IM RIPPED” he yelled @ the top of his tiny lungs.**

 

**jeann rpped off his shirt to reveal nothing at all ecept his niples.**

 

**“ay woa got damn” ern said, bringing his hand 2 his moutj very Gayly, to emphasize he was gya as if the FUCKING SPANDEX SUIT didnt do it for him enough. “ur nips are p fine if i do say so myself you dusty condom”**

 

**“ikr”**

 

**“i bet your nipples cant save you from my massive titan dick tho” he said, as his dick turned into a fucking hammer. what the fuck @ eren why is this happening you fucking ripped your morph suit it probably wasnt cheap to get it customized with FUCKING GLITTER why did you do this.**

 

**“ew” said jen,,, he was so confused and disgusted yet oddly aroused….;**

 

**ern moved like 2 inches and his MASSIVE TITAN DICK HAMMER moved like 3 feet, completely bypassing jean and slapping a random bystander who thought they were just hit by an industrial hammer and not a schlong tool but i mean sucks to be them because they just got slapped with a dick hammer. a dammer. oh wel. “wel fuc” eren said, watching as the person skyrocketed into the nearest syscraper’s top floor. “im not paying their medical bill oops”**

 

**jean decided to write a haiku about the situation:**

 

**“That man has just died,**

**His body will decay now**

**In the skyscraper.”**

 

**eren started 2 cry rainbow tears (he got himself genetically modified to show off how gay he was dont ask how he got the money if hes fighting titans all day i couldnt tell you man), clapping slowly as his MASSIVE TITAN DICK HAMMER kinda just flopped around, kind of half erect because it want rly that erect before. “that was fuckign incredible im crying rael tears rn bro. that haikoo was beautifulr than ur Nip Nops”**

 

**“shitt man………. ur so nice wanna d8”**

 

**eren ponderd the reauest for a few seconds (and by a few seconds i mean another three menutes of uncomfortable eye contact as erens MASSIVE TITAN DICK HAMMER kind of careened left and right slowly) before he nodded. “sur why not wanna go on a d8 right now theres a good pizza place int hat skyscraper oveer ther---- wait nevermind thats where the guy died i think his face print is in my massive titan schlong”**

 

**“dang……… ……………….THAS HOT” jean  scremaed**

 

**“ok well do u wanna go bac to My place i have some mroe Morph Soots if you want one ;)))))))” urn said Sexely’**

 

**“ooh kinkyy ;)))) “  jann said some how sayin  ;)))) outloud ..**

 

**“alr9ight well i forgot where i live so hold on i gotta jus.. >.....” he took a second before punching himself in th dick, aming it change into a compas. “alright lets go itll lead the way to my apartmnet okay brobe. (bro babe its informal and Sneaky (like his dick)).**

 

**so the dic lead the way 2 the apartment and then they did the MASSIVE TITAN SECKS for at least 8 minutes before eren got tired because so much blod wasin his MASSIVE TITAN SCHLON G and jena got mad @ eren for being so tired so he kicked him in his MASSIVE TITAN DONGER DOODLE and left, his nipples as erect as ever**

 

**the edn**

**Author's Note:**

> yeah so this was orphaned (link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6088651) but i wanted it attributed to me again


End file.
